Maced in the Restroom
I am finally recovering from the immense pain of having been maced in the bathroom. Ok I exaggerate a little. I wasn't actually shot in the face with the bathroom deodorant, although I did meet, in that very same restroom, someone who had been thusly squirted in the eye, on a previous visit. The dispenser is way too low on the wall.
There I was, minding my own business (don't you love it when stories start out this way?) when I heard this squirty sound. Next thing you know, I had a double lungful of something that smelled like it came from Avon, and as I am allergic to many perfumes and merely sensitive to others, this stuff was searing all the flesh inside my nose, bronchi and sinuses. Immediately I got into a coughing, hacking, retching fit, complete with drool, mucus, and watering eyes. If I'd had anything to eat yet that day, you would have witnessed that too. I came running out of there whimpering over my stinging flesh and gulping huge quantities of cool perfume-free air, once the retching and coughing allowed me to.
I felt swelling coming on, so I took some over-the-counter allergy medication to do something for it. I'm not the kind of allergic that will kill me on contact, thank God. It just makes me wish I were dead.
By the time I got home, I felt as though I had snorted a porcupine drenched in salt and lemon juice, and that it was happily burrowed into my sinuses, content to spend the winter there. It rather felt more like a railroad spike had been driven through my skull, and that someone had welded little nails all over the surface of the spike before ramming it home vertically up through the roof of my mouth and through my eye socket. I seemed to have taken the brunt of it through the right side of my sinus passageway, as it was my right eyeball thusly skewered.
Drugs, sleep, drugs, sleep, and more drugs. I slept for 18 hours, waking occasionally to take more drugs. By the time I had to go to work yesterday, the pain was a mere throb and the pressure by and large was gone, although I am still left with a lot of sniffling and sneezing. I wonder if some cold viruses got in while I was vulnerable and settled down to get comfy.
I sniffle, as I plot my revenge...
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